At Loss
by Nindira
Summary: "I was trying to remember her every expression yesterday, thinking if I missed something" - Tori doesn't show up to school and Jade it's the only one who may know where she is - Jori


I'm looking through the window of the classroom and I can faintly make out Sikowitz voice reprimanding me once again for not paying attention to class today, I only turn briefly to raise an eyebrow at him and turn back at the window, I can only hear him sigh before continuing with the lesson for the rest.

I usually at least try to follow his words, because the man might be a lunatic ninety percent of the time, but he does teaches valuable points from time to time. But today I can't seem to even pretend, my mind in more important things or to put it in another way on a more important someone.

_Tori_

Yesterday we went out, I picked her up around noon, we had lunch, went to the movies and then to a carnival that settle not too far, I even took her to the mall to see the puppies; we talk, we laugh, we kissed and we walk till our feet could take no more. We spent all day together until i dropped her off at her house telling me it was one of the best day's she ever had.

She didn't come to school today and all morning all I could think of is what she would be doing. I didn't try to call her, she must want to be alone and I didn't want to push her.

I was trying to remember her every expression yesterday, thinking if I missed something when I loud voice called me again _JADE!, _ I turned immediately to finally give Sikowits a piece of my mind but stopped only seeing how he motioned me to the back of the classroom where Lane was at the door apparently looking for me, I stand up feeling everyone's eyes on me, I walked to the door as he steps out in the hallway and I follow closing the door.

He crossed one arm around him and the other under his chin, his eyes are hard like trying to decide if to speak or not, which my thin patients can't hold before I speak loudly "What?!"

He doesn't seamed faced by my sudden outburst which only made me nervous "Jade this is important and I need to answer me honestly… have heard from Tori today?"

My brows furrow immediately and he closes his eyes probably cursing to himself "No, why? Is there something wrong? She didn't come to school so she's home, right? Come on Lane spit it out?" I couldn't stop myself from asking all this questions because he knew something I didn't and that something was about Tori.

He leaves out a sigh realizing he might made a mistake but couldn't back down now "Her mother called me not long ago asking me to check up on her and maybe talk, apparently she left home to come to school today but…" he didn't have to finish "I tried to calm her mother saying I would ask you first" he sighs again dropping his arms at his sides before taking again "She was upset as it is and now... if there any place you could think of that she might be" I only shake my head and he nods, my movements so limited that he knows I'm deep in thought really trying to think of some clue or idea, he only grabs my arm and squeezes it before motioning me to return to the classroom.

I enter the room, slowly walking to my sit not looking at anyone, my mind somewhere else, searching, I can faintly hear Cat's voice asking what was wrong as I reach my chair a thought goes through my head and before I even try to sit down I grab my bag and go to the door in front of the classroom.

"Jade the class I not over" I hear Sikowits tell me while I pass him on my way

"Yes it is" as respond quickly no bothering to look at him as I reach the door

"No it's.." he starts but it's interrupted by the sound of the bell ring indicating just that, "okay it is"

I might have heard his last words if I wasn't already too far into the school backyard and then parking lot, getting into my car and tossing my bag on the passenger sit. I grab my phone and dialed Tori's number, the phone rings a few times before going to voice mail, I don't waist more time and start the car getting out of parking lot and into the street.

It only takes me ten minutes to reach my destination, I sigh in relief as I see the familiar red car at the side and I park next to it, getting out of my own car I check Tori's through the window, she isn't inside but I can see her phone discarded on the passenger seat, I try the door and it opens, I grab the phone and sure thing she has a dozen missed calls without checking; I start crossing the street and enter the children's park, it's quite beautiful with the trees, the flowers, the road and all that crap I usually wouldn't admit to like, I've never been here myself but I locate the playground quickly.

She's siting by the swings and I quietly sit on the swing next to her, she's so still while staring at the sand beneath her feet that I wonder if she's been like this all morning, I ponder whether she has noticed my presence or should I make her notice. After a minute my question is answered when she pushes the ground with her feet making the swing barely move before going to its previous spot.

"I didn't make it to school" She says suddenly not moving her eyes from the same spot in the ground "I got up, changed, had breakfast and got in the car" she furrows her brows listing all she does every morning, like making sure she did all the things and checking them in her head, "But then I drove by the park and I stopped"

"It's okay" I mutter quietly still trying to catch her eyes

"But it's not" it's then that she turns to look at me the frown in her forehead deepening, her voice higher and I can finally see what she's feeling "I woke up this morning and I was _so_ happy because of yesterday that I didn't think of anything else than wanting to get to school, and when I saw the park I felt _so_ guilty that I was feeling happy and then angry, _so_ angry, at Trina for leaving for college and leaving me here, at mom for being engage, at you for making me feel happy, and at me for being one year since my dad died and not knowing how i should feel" she was screaming the words by the end "I felt so angry because it feels like I'm forgetting him…" her voice again quiet not knowing what else to say just clenching her jaw, eyes widening realizing exactly what she just said and turning again to the spot in the ground.

I stand up and walk to stand just in front of her, grabbing her face and forcing her to look up at me from her spot in the swing "_It's okay"_ I repeat I little slower, her eyes glistening and burying her head in my chest as I circle my arms around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head, I can feel her hands fist my shirt around my waist as little sobs start shaking her.

She stops after a while without moving our position "Did you… were you…" She hesitates not sure how or if to bring up the subject but I know what she wants to ask and I part a little to look at her better before she looks up getting the courage to finish her question "Were you this angry when your mom died?"

I can tell she doesn't want to upset me and I chuckle a little bitter looking straight ahead "You met me two years ago Tori" I state simply before looking down into her eyes "I was angry at the world for nearly six years at the time" she brings down her gaze probably already knowing the answer but wanting me to confirm it for her "But I´m not anymore, well, not as strongly as I was" I said with a little roll from my eyes adding the last part.

"Why? What happened?" she looks up quickly, expectantly, wanting me to continue and tell her, because she doesn't like that feeling and here I hold the key for her to stop it.

"_You_" Her eyes widen at my words like not expecting them and at the same time not understanding them. I tilt my head thinking how to explain myself before leaning down and bringing my lips to hers in a passionate kiss, feeling as she raises her head bring it as close as she can and trying to take as much as she can from the it, we part a little breathless and I rest my forehead against hers, her eyes closed "Do you feel that?" i put my hand on top of her chest where her heart would lie, it's not really a question because I know that she does, that burning in the chest that makes your heart feel like it might explode, she nods knowing what I meant before opening her eyes "it's okay to feel happy, it doesn't mean you forget them, it only means it won't hurt as much"

Her eyes water again before silent tears start running down her check while I brush them off with my thumbs; a look of worry appeared on my face before I talked again "About yesterday I'm sorry, I was just trying to distract you I didn't mean to…" My words are interrupted by her single finger pressed on my lips while she shakes her head.

"You don't have to apologize, I _know_ what you meant" we stayed like that for a while and after her tears dried did she talk again with a hint of confusion on her face "How did you know I was here?"

I turned to look around the park like taking in my surroundings for the first time while I responded "You told me a month ago that this is where your dad used to take you when you were kids and that they are your favorite memories" I turn to look back to her.

"You remembered that?" she asked quietly and somewhat surprised

"I remember" a small smile appeared in my face before my brows furrow "Oh and your mom called to the school, that's how i knew you weren't home, I think is better if you give her a call" I said taking her phone from my pocket and raising it into my palm, she stares at it for a while before taking it.

"I think I better go home" she says getting up from the swing, I offer her my hand and she doesn't hesitate taking it before leaning into my side as we walk to the parks entry, she falters a step and a turn to see why, she's looking behind her to the space by the swings we left no doubt a memory of her father taking place in her head, just as she turns back her phone rings, Trina's name appearing on the screen and Tori turns to me a little at loss before I just nod to her to answer and she presses the green button.

"Hello?" I can't hear the other line but Tori's face turns quickly from dumbfounded to amused, a small smile appearing in her face and it's all I can do before a smile of my own appears as we made our way out of the park hand in hand.

**I hope you enjoyed it, reviews are always appreciated, it's the only way to improve at anything.  
Thanks**


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